Once married, it can be a bit overwhelming for a woman on how to adjust with husband in arranged marriage. However, this can be the perfect opportunity to build a lasting, loving and strong foundation for a marriage.
A strong foundation means couples can adjust better to their married life. If a newlywed husband and wife are aware of their duties, responsibilities and remain committed to each other, that will ensure a healthy and happy conjugal life. It is proven in life experience throughout the long journey of married life, arranged marriage is far more lasting and loving than love marriage. This becomes even truer when the arranged marriage is done following the rules of Shariah.
What’s necessary in an arranged marriage is to ensure that it is lovable and pleasing to the newlywed bride and groom and it can be done through expression of love. This is, in fact, applicable for all relationships. But for a new couple in an arranged marriage, they need to take care in expressing one’s emotions rather than keeping it within themselves. The initial expression of love will help in building a strong bond and sense of trust.
Partners need to have a definite level of trust and believe that their significant other loves them. It is vital that love is expressed through actions as well as words.
Simple acts can go a long way in building a strong bond and loving relationship
- A lasting gaze in the eyes
- Sending tender voice notes
- Passing on small favors of kindness
- Listening to the spouse with attention and care
What is an arranged marriage?
An arranged marriage is when the family helps you in finding your desired match. This includes –
- Introducing you to your potential partner
- Making investigation of your to be spouse
- Supervising and escorting you both during meetups
Arranged marriage doesn’t mean they forced this relationship between you. Rather, it is only legally valid if both parties have a formal consent.
What happens before an arranged marriage?
Your parents and siblings will usually do all the hard work. Before you meet each other for the first time, see each other’s pictures and know about details such as –
- Goals for career
- Educational Qualification
How can you rekindle your romance in an arranged marriage?
You and your potential partner should try to develop a good understanding. It is also important that he or she is compatible with you. You should also fix a schedule to talk to each other about your goals in life.
Other important information that both of you can discuss is about each other’s childhood experiences. It will also be a good idea to interact with each other’s family members at the same time. You and your desired partners needs to understand what the requirements of the family members are.
Lastly, one of the important aspects of any healthy relationship is to gain each other’s trust. Your potential partner and you may be residing in different locations, temporarily but it is crucial to maintain proper communication and trust each other.
- How close are you with your parents?
This is undoubtedly a very important question you may ask to understand the dynamics of a family. It would give you a clear idea if he or she lives within a family that is close-knitted. Also, it would be wise to ask about your in-laws’ expectations.
- In ten years’ time, where do you see yourself?
This would give you a clear picture about both the professional & personal goals of your potential partner. This includes, whether he or she plans on getting a degree, starting a new business, etc. You can also know if and when he or she wants to have kids for a sustainable family.
- Are you getting married due to family pressure?
In the 21st century, there are numerous cases where people end up getting married as their parents wanted them to. It is vital that you ask the person you meet and get assurance if they are willing to handle the pressure that comes with marriage and settle down.
- Do you have emotional baggage from the past?
Many people tend to have past relationships and break-ups do take a toll. It can be quite difficult to move on from that. If you feel, the person you’re talking to has become accustomed to your company, then you may ask him or her if they have any emotional baggage. Although, it won’t be a wise move to ask too many questions about their past, in the first meeting.
- What do you expect from your potential life partner?
When it comes to choosing your life partner, we tend to have a checklist. You can start off this conversation by discussing expectations from the marriage, talking about the traits of an ideal spouse. This will undoubtedly help both parties know whether they are compatible and share the same vision.
- Do you plan on settling abroad or moving to another city?
You need to know if your potential partner has plans of moving abroad or shifting to another city. If that’s the case, then, you need to make sure it doesn’t hamper either your career or personal life. Would you be willing to move away from your family & friends after marriage? These are things you should take into consideration.
- Would you be able to take responsibility for both families?
Marriage comes with lots of responsibilities, not just towards your spouse but for members of both families. Decisions that you take have a significant impact on other members of both families and your life as well. It includes taking care of your parents, in-laws, managing necessary finances. Partners need to be on the same page while dealing with such responsibilities.
13 ways of how to adjust with husband in arranged marriage
If and when you’ve had arranged marriage, then your life will change drastically. A potential partner will be chosen by your family. Therefore, you won’t get to know the person entirely. Hence, you need to be aware of tips for how to adjust with your husband in an arranged marriage. We suggest you start off the relationship with your significant other, more like friends.
- Be desirable
Intimacy is one of the important aspects of a good marriage. So men will want to fulfill their needs through coitus. While at the same time, men will want to feel desired by their wives. You need to make your husband feel wanted.
- Mutual respect
Both the husband and wife should have mutual respect between them. It is important that any actions or words do not hurt anyone, whatsoever. In case of any differences, discussing it would always help solve the issue in hand.
- Be a good listener
Men do not open up too easily, rather they tend to hide their emotions. This is exactly why you need to be an active and patient listener. You need to gain his trust so that he opens up to you in time. It is crucial that you listen to what he has to say before passing on any judgement. Mold yourself to be someone your husband would talk to when in need.
- Show him that you care
Not all men will ask for it but all of them would want their women to show them that they genuinely care. Small gestures and acts of love can go a long way in making him feel at home.
- Being comfortable around each other
The key to a happy and successful marriage is when couples are comfortable in each other’s company. Both the husband and wife need to open up with each other. Therefore, it is crucial for you to find comfort in each other’s presence and get to know each other better.
- Treating each other like friends
Getting married obviously means couples are romantically involved. But not everyone can get along easily. Some of us may fall into this criterion. You may be somewhat confused as to how to behave with your husband. However, we suggest you open up with your husband and build a friendly relationship.
- Make sure to spend time together
It might be the case that your husband isn’t much of a talkative person. Sitting down beside him as he’s watching TV and initiating a conversation can make him comfortable. All he might ask for is your presence in that moment.
- Keep your expectations low initially
As you begin the relationship for an arranged marriage, make sure to keep expectations low. Given that this is an arranged marriage, so you won’t know for sure how your husband would be as a person. Therefore, having low expectations would mean your expectations are easily met.
- Behaving with your husband before arranged marriage
It is totally understandable that you do not want to change who you are, for anyone. The same goes for your husband. Therefore, it would be wise to not criticize how your husband behaves. Because, this may hurt his feelings. Hence, it is wise to be mindful of how you behave with your husband in an arranged marriage. Not criticizing your husband would mean, he’s able to open up to you, easily.
- Behaving with your husband on the first night
The wedding night may take a toll on both the husband and the wife. There might be the possibility of both of you talking about intimacy, beforehand. However, if you haven’t, then, do not necessarily have to be agitated. It should not be mandatory to have intercourse on the very first night. But feeling nervous on the first night is very understandable. So, we suggest you to remain as calm as possible. Because, chances are he might be feeling nervous at the same time. You should discuss this with your spouse, respectfully.
- Be emotionally present and provide moral support
A husband always wants his wife to be beside him through thick and thin. He would want to celebrate his achievements with his wife. While asking for his wife’s shoulder for support during tough times. Providing moral support is without a doubt a very important aspect of a happy marriage.
- Be aware of the expectations of husbands from their wives
It takes a lot to be happy for a lasting marriage. Husbands want so much more than their significant other as their counterparts do. Men do not always open up about the things they want from their women in a similar way that women do. However, men expect the same level of commitment and effort from their wives.
- Communicate with your husband about your expectations
Just because a man and a woman have agreed to go for an arranged marriage does not necessarily mean they would be willing to compromise everything. It is only normal for a woman to have expectations from her man. The same goes for the man. Therefore, it is essential that you have proper communication with your husband. Chances are, this will significantly enhance the trust of both parties in your conjugal life.
Advantages of arranged marriages
Young Muslim men and woman can communicate within their close knit family network and cooperate with their parents to find out their desired match.
How to succeed in arranged marriages?
You can predict whether an arranged marriage will be successful in the distant future. For this, you’ll need to pray Istikhara and ask for Allah’s guidance. Because you’re about to take a very important decision in your life. If you pray, Istikhara, Allah SWT will decide what’s best for you. You’ll also feel calmer. This will create a unique religious experience for you in your arranged marriage.
We can therefore come to the conclusion that an ideal marriage is when two imperfect people do not give up on each other. Rather they stick together in the face of adversity and come out of it unscathed. There is no single recipe behind a happy and successful married life. So, there you have it, how to adjust with your husband in an arranged marriage.