Our family members and loved ones are always open to offering us marriage advice. But some of this advice may be bad marriage advice. We shall give you an idea about some bad marriage advice that will actually make your life better.
The advice that we’ll be providing throughout this article is based on trials and real-life experiences of married couples. But keep in mind, some of this advice is bad. A couple of bad relationship advice might lead to conflict in your relationship.
You will be bombarded with various marriage advice from people all around. It is your responsibility to filter out the suitable pieces of advice. Every marriage has to go through uncertainties. However, if your marriage is affecting your mental and physical health, then you should reevaluate your relationship.
According to studies carried out by various marriage therapists, if your spouse cannot meet your expectations, then it’s obvious that you may feel anxious. This has a detrimental effect on your marriage. Anxiety can lead to health issues, such as; lethargy, weight gain and gastrointestinal issues.
7 bad marriage advice
1. Do not go to sleep being angry
This is an age old advice, one that you will hear a lot. You might have even gotten this advice from every adult you’ve met. If you think about it, this advice makes sense. It would be ideal for all couples to resolve their issues before going to bed. This way, you’ll be able to wake up feeling reconnected with your partner.
However, the family physician, Dr. Oyeyipo doesn’t agree with this advice. She feels we all need a break from any heated arguments. It is never desirable for partners to fly into a rage. She thinks not going to bed is one of the worst pieces of advice for married couples. She feels it would be best for couples to cool off and take a break instead.
Couples should rather sleep on whatever is the issue and address the issue again in the morning.
2. Do not part ways thinking about the kids
If your parents haven’t gone through divorce, then you may feel that this is the right piece of advice. Holding a family together, even though hardships, may seem like the right decision. But this is going to hurt your kids immensely.
According to a renowned marriage counselor, continuous conflict and tension amongst parents causes negativity in children. This also leads to children having low self-esteem and diminished confidence. Lastly, they face an arduous task in choosing their life partner.
3. Marry a person who is your exact opposite
Marriage is a pact of a lifetime. Your conjugal life will be full of difficulties. For marriage, no one who has truly perfected it. You won’t ever find the perfect recipe for marriage. The idea of marrying someone who’s your opposite won’t bring you happiness.
Rather, if your partner is your exact opposite, then it can be quite annoying. If one of you is an introvert and the other one is an extrovert, then the conversation you’re having might be one sided. This might not be ideal for everyone.
Many couples agreed to the idea that marrying your opposites doesn’t always result in a fruitful relationship. There are cases of many couples going separate ways because they had nothing in common.
4. Having a baby would save your relationship
This doesn’t sound like a good idea at all. Many couples have a strained relationship, then they decide to have a baby to save their marriage. There are also cases of newly married couples having a baby quickly.
These couples think that having a baby would make their bond stronger. Before you consider having a child, it is important to ensure that you have a healthy relationship with your partner. If couples have unresolved issues, then bringing a baby into this conflict would only cause more harm.
Children should possess love and respect for their parents. Bringing a child into a ‘war-zone’ between a husband and wife would affect their mental health and would prevent them from growing up as responsible adults.
5. Sexual intimacy would help solve all of your marital problems
This is undoubtedly one of the worst marriage advice you’ll come across. It emphasizes the importance of sex in a marriage. A fulfilling sex life is very important for a happy marriage. In fact, this can help resolve any forms of conflict.
Even though intimacy is an integral part of marriage, it wouldn’t solve the problems that arise within a marriage. Sex can never be a substitute for a heart to heart conversation. As couples, you need to work on solving the problem at hand. You should never shy away from it.
You can consider intimacy as a framework for handling the hard stuff in life. However, sex can never act as a substitute for whole-heartedly working on our problems.
6. You can always get divorced
Couples only consider divorce when they go through a really rough patch in their marriage. It is never desirable to stay in an unsatisfied marriage. But you shouldn’t focus too much on the idea of quitting when the going gets tough.
You should always strive to work on your relationship and never give up on your spouse. Marriage is a pact where you need to always remain optimistic. Divorce should only be an option if your marriage involves domestic violence and your relationship reaches boiling point.
For a better knowledge, you can read The Egregious Top 5 Reason For Divorce
7. Getting into constant argument means you have an unhappy marriage
Constant argument puts you and your significant other under a lot of stress and causes a hostile relationship. If you constantly argue with your significant other, then it would bring unwanted attention towards you.
Rather than arguing and having the spotlight amongst yourselves, it would be ideal if you discuss the issue at hand behind closed doors. You must never suppress your emotions to prevent any arguments. This will only affect your mental health.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. How important is it for me to set boundaries in my conjugal life?
A1. It is vital that you take care of yourself first. This is a necessity for all successful relationships. It is equally important for you to spend time with your friends and family members as well. If you feel depleted within the marriage, then you may have to reevaluate and set boundaries.
Having unhealthy boundaries and obligations towards other people and your work life can have a detrimental effect on you and your partner as well.
Q2. Should I consider the family of my partner as my family?
A2. Marrying an individual means you also agree to commit to their entire family as well. You should hate none of the family members of your significant other. This will only result in your partner having ill feelings towards you. But you should maintain a healthy distance from other family members of your spouse.
There’s no getting away from the family members of your spouse. So, it would be best for you to have a healthy relationship with them.
Q3. Do I have to communicate with my partner about expenses regularly?
A3. A vast majority of the couples you see around you face monetary issues. This is something that you need to talk about with your partner regularly. There’s no escaping from this. It would be best if you plan with your partner regarding your expenses. It would also be ideal if you identify who amongst you is a spender and who’s saving money. Then you may cut out any expenses that’s unnecessary.
It would be best if you talk about these expenses at the early stage of your marriage. Then there won’t be any misunderstanding amongst yourselves.
Q4. What should I do if my partner has an addiction?
A4. Addiction can be of many forms, your partner may either be addicted to social media or any forms of drugs. Nowadays, excessive usage of social media is a major issue. There’s even trust issues amongst couples. You must have good communication with your partner. It is also vital that both of you trust each other.
If you aren’t able to trust your partner then this can easily make your marriage sour. There may come a time when any form of addiction in your marriage becomes a third party.
Q5. Is it okay for me to avoid sexual intercourse with my partner?
A5. Consistently avoiding sexual intercourse with your partner can spell trouble for your marriage. It is never a good idea for you to make up excuses to not have sex with your significant other. Intimacy is one of the building blocks of a joyous marriage. For a husband and a wife to get intimate with each other, it is vital they both feel good about each other.
Getting into fights and arguments will only bring negativity into your life. This will cause a marriage without intimacy.
Q6. What should I do if another person comes between my husband and I?
A6. You need to learn to prioritize your spouse after marriage. The things you discuss with your husband have to stay between you two. As you get married, your husband or wife becomes your primary family by default. There are certain families and cultures where parents live with their children even after marriage. In such cases, you must set certain boundaries with your parents.
It is mandatory for you to spend time with your partner after marriage. You must never neglect your significant other. Your children learn a lot from how you behave with your partner. You must never undermine your husband or wife in front of your children.
Suggested for more details: 12 Reasons What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman
Q7. What should I do to make my husband feel loved?
A7. All husbands look for reassurance and intimacy in a marriage. It should be your responsibility as the wife to fulfill his needs. Even your subtle acts of kindness can go a long way in making your husband feel loved. These slight gestures are important for a successful marriage. Politeness and mutual affection can go a long way to have a joyous married life.
The more you appreciate your partner, the better he will feel and this will do wonders for your marriage.
You will get a good deal of advice from many people regarding your marriage. But it would be best if you sit down with your spouse and discuss the things that’s bothering you. You should not go about taking advice from everyone. This is because taking advice wholeheartedly from everyone around you can break your marriage. Marriage is all about being happy with your significant other. It requires you to love them unconditionally, even during tough times. You need to love your significant other even when you do not want to. It is never wise to expect someone to come into your life and magically make you happy. Not all marriage advice you get is good ones, so you need to understand and identify the bad marriage advice that will actually make your life better.