No matter how religious a family is, there will still be issues among members. It can be within the husband and wife, parents, siblings, and other blood-connected relatives.
Unlike other problems, family issues require immense patience to deal with. Sometimes it seems that you need to take a quick action, but it rather generates more issues within the family. And you are not alone facing this thing of stuff.
This article will address some of the common family issues, dua for family problems, how you need to deal with those issues in a wise manner after getting married.
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To address family issues, let’s categorize them into different parts to make sure you can relate to exactly what you are going through.
The relationship of husband and wife is the most beloved, yet it is the most vulnerable. Your spouse is the closest one to you, knows almost all your secrets, and whatnot, which are something that even your parents might not know.
But this relationship isn’t as strong as blood-connect relations. You make a mistake, you will most likely have to pay for it.
However, if the understanding between husband wife is strong, a lot of problems can be minimized. This requires you to recognize what is the cause of family problem in the first place. Then you can address the issue accordingly.
Regardless of what you are going through with your spouse, try to implement the following advices –
– Do not act instantly
Time heals. After a few hours, days, weeks, and months, you might not have the same anger towards your spouse. Take advantage of the time. The less you react, the better you can handle issues.
– Put Your Spouse’s Need Before You
If both the husband and wife only think about themselves, and don’t give priority to the spouse over him/herself, the cold war will be never ending.
Put your spouse’s priority over yours, and within a short time, you will notice some changes in your spouse. He/she will do the same, hopefully.
– Do Not Jump in an Argument
From my experience, the less I argued with my spouse, the more control I had over the situation.
If you are a husband, then take this advice seriously. You cannot win an argument with a lady.
Take time, and bring this issue later when you find it is appropriate and your spouse is less likely to freak out.
– Expect Less from Your Partner
The less you expect from a person, the less you will be hurt. The same goes when it comes to marriage life. Even though you guys are the closest to each other, still do not expect too much from each other.
If you expect much, most likely you will end up with more frustration. Expecting less eliminates it in the first place.
– Do Not Compare Yourselves to Other Couples
Oftentimes when we get frustrated with our spouse, we compare ourselves with couples that appear to be happier than us. And this is a bold bad practice, which often leads men to seek other women.
It is not about competing with other couples that we think are happy.
Better point out issues you both have, and try to resolve those.
– Appreciate Your Spouse’s Efforts
No matter how small it is, always appreciate whatever good your spouse is doing for you. When your partner sees you are appreciating and glad for things that he/she has been doing, it is more likely that the bonding will get stronger.
Often, wives always complain and do not appreciate it regardless of how hardwork a husband has to do to provide for the family and her. Such behavior doesn’t end up with good results. So, stop complaining in a relationship, and start appreciating more and more.
– Stay Further Away from Major Sins
Family matters will be highly affected by your sins. In the life of salaf, there are many incidents that sum up that when a husband commits any major sin, he sees disobedience in his wife, children, even horse. The same goes for the wife as well.
Most people try to fix everything and anything except for this matter. They do not take this fact seriously, which results in endless family issues one after another. So, spiritual purification is a must.
There is a profound dua in Surah Furqan verse no 74 –
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
Make this dua whenever you are asking Allah. Make dua between adhan and iqamah, in tahajjud, and other times when duas get accepted.
After Allah SWT. and his Messenger fdfa, the most worthy of our respect, attention, and love is our parents.
Disobedience of parents is so severe that it is considered among the top 5 major sins. According to some scholars, after shirk, the most severe sin is disobeying parents.
But the thing is, not always our parents are right. These are the matters where we freak out, and do or say things that we shouldn’t have said.
During disagreements, we often talk with anger, and do the same to our parents. Yes, they are not always right. In such circumstances, we should not even bother discussing or talking regarding any matter until the anger is no longer in ourselves.
Once we cool down, then we should discuss some disagreement. Do not make your voice louder while talking to them as well.
A lot of times with family issues, we do not talk to our parents. This can be anything to do with our wives and kids. But this approach is entirely wrong.
No matter what, you keep your blood-relation, and maintain it well. Talk to them on a regular basis. It will make things smoother over the time. Time is the best healer in this case as well.
For your parents, make this dua often, which is mentioned in Surah Al Isra, verse 24 –
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا
Our childhood fight with siblings goes through a slow pace when we enter adulthood. But after that, for status, money, property, etc. matters, the family fights come back.
Keep in mind, maintaining the blood relation is obligatory. If we do not take care of it, Allah SWT. will not allow us to enter into Jannah. The Prophet Muhammad fdfa said in a hadith –
“People who cut the blood relation, will not enter into Jannah.”
Risking your jannah for worldly gains, positions, money, property do not make any sense.
When it comes to siblings, emotion is the key to deal with them. Also, generic advice like not reacting instantly and not talking with a loud voice set here as well.
Things are a bit more sensitive when it comes to in-laws. In most cases, it is hard to make them feel what you feel. So, here, you will have to be even more patient while dealing with them.
- Do not act instantly. It will make things worse.
- Time is the best healer. If someone hurts you, forget it for a few days. It will seem a lot lighter to you.
- There is no need to reply to each and every talk that hurts you somehow.
- Keep doing your duties properly and without any expectations. It may take a few weeks, months, or even years, but if you are not doing anything wrong, things will come to your favor.
Dua For Family Problems
There are some specific duas for couples, parents, children, and blood-connected people mentioned in the Quran and Hadith, which I have mentioned in the earlier section.
However, you can make duas in your own words. Just before you make dua, glorify your Lord, send Durud to the Prophet, and then make your dua.
I highly recommend you to make dua during times when duas get accepted.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the dua for problems?
Whenever you come with something complicated, make this dua, which is mentioned in a hadith –
اللَّهُمَّ لَا سَهْلَ إِلَّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلًا، وَأَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ سَهْلًا إِذَا شِئْتَ
O Allah, there is nothing made easy except what you make easy, and You make difficulty easy, if You wish.
2. What does Islam say about family issues?
Family issues are sensitive to deal with. You have to be more patient while resolving any matter be the issue is with your spouse, parents, kids, siblings, in-laws.
The key things are –
- Not to get angry, and discuss the matter with anger.
- Not to react instantly. When you calm down, then deal with it.
- Let the time do its work. It is the best healer.
3. How can I make dua for my family?
I have mentioned a few duas addressing family issues. However, you can also make dua in your own words. There is no hard and strict stuff for this.
4. How do you ask Allah to solve problems?
Other than making dua, you can make lots of istighfar, charity as much as possible for you, and keep doing your duties towards those you are having issues with.
The most important thing about making dua for family problems is that you may not see quick results, but if you keep on doing it, things will come to your favor. Also make sure you do not commit any major sin, otherwise, that sin will be as a barrier between you and your dua.