Even though husbands provide financial support for their families, wives are the ones who build those families. Considering this aspect, a wife’s responsibilities are far wider than what is for the husband.
She takes care of the children, raises them well with education and manners, protects the wealth, and also provides physical and mental support to her husband.
The upbringing of a family, and how well-mannered will be the children, highly depends on the mother herself. If the duties of Wife in Islam are neglected, the religious foundation of that family will not be strong.
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Therefore, all wives must know about the duties that they have towards their families to make sure they don’t overlook anything due to the lack of knowledge.
Duties of Wife in Islam: Role of the Wife in Islam
Islam is a religion that emphasizes the importance of marriage. It teaches us that marriage is a sacred bond between two people and it should be taken seriously. Therefore, both spouses need to fulfill their duties toward each other.
For wives, Islam outlines several duties they must adhere to maintain a healthy and successful relationship with their husbands.
For those who are not married or still looking for their partner, it is essential to remember that marriage should not be taken lightly. It is an important decision that requires thoughtfulness and consideration of all aspects of life. As such, it is important for all Muslims – men or women – to understand the duties of a wife in Islam so they can make an informed decision when choosing their partner for life.
Wife’s Duty to the Family
Whenever the word ‘Home’ comes to your mind, who is the first person that you think of?
Obviously, it is your mother or your wife if you do not live with your parents. As wives stay inside the house, they are the maintainer and caretakers of the house, which makes us feel worry-free.
If a wife is not careful or responsible about her duties to the family, that family will surely struggle with various issues. Below are the core responsibilities of a wife as a mother, as a wife, and as a Queen of the house.
1. Taking Care of Children
This is the second most primary objective why people usually get married – to have kids and take care of them properly. As the husband stays outside the house during the day, the wife has to make sure the kids are safe and sound in the house. If there is a home servant, then the task becomes a lot easier.
Taking care of the kids includes making sure that they are getting food at the right time, they are taken to the school and brought back, having basic meds and supplements in stock in case of any physical issues, etc.
If the kids are not adults, this may seem quite overwhelming to maintain all this stuff. But, considering the fact that the children will become an asset to the society and country, this should encourage the mother for doing the right things.
2. Raising them with Education and Manners
Mother is the first school of children. When it’s about ensuring Islamic life, this matter becomes more important. Raising children with Islamic teachings is difficult as we live in a society where haram stuff is everywhere.
The wife in charge of the kids should be knowledgeable enough to raise kids in an Islamic manner. It is important that kids memorize easy and basic dua’s and Surahs.
Also, teach kids manners. Give priority to Islamic manners, as there are some usual manners that contradict the teachings of hadith. Raise them as Quranic kids. Explain to them why living a life according to the Quran is important to make it all the way to the Jannah together.
If you can ensure proper education and manners during the early stage of kids, you will not have to face the problems of a disobedient son or daughter when they will be adults.
3. Protecting the Property
In the absence of your husband, you are in charge of the house. However, there are some specific fields where you will still dictate even when the husband is around. You must guard and protect the wealth and property of your husband. Make sure you do not spend excessively without letting him know about any matter. Protecting the wealth and property of the husband is considered as a fundamental role of a wife in Islam.
If the husband finds you are acting responsibly regarding this matter, you are more likely to get expensive gifts more frequently.
Apart from giving your spouse physical pleasure, you should also prepare or beautify yourself to make him feel pleasing to you. After an entire working day, when your husband enters the house, you should be well-dressed and groomed to make him feel that way. And this is something that is encouraged in a hadith –
“Wait so that you may enter [the city] at night so that the women with unkempt hair may comb their hair and the ones whose husbands were absent may shave” [recorded by Al-Bukhari].
On the other hand, the husband should also make him look good in front of his wife, which is often neglected by men. Ibn Abbas Said –
“I used to wear my best clothes for my wife. God is beautiful and He loves beauty.”
5. Ensuring Religious Environment
As you stay in the house most of the time, you are the one who needs to make sure that an Islamic environment is present in the house. This is for two reasons, your children will get to know about the teachings and manners of deen and there will be barakah in the house.
There can be a separate place or room for prayer, with mosque-like decor inside it. You can also fix a time for playing Quranic recitation via a speaker. Inside the prayer room, you can arrange one corner of the room to use as a mini-library, and showcase some Islamic books.
If you live in a Western country, it is really important that your children are raised knowing about their deen.
6. Be a Role Model for Children
Your children will mostly deal with you as the husband will be away from home for a long time each day. Kids will follow you and learn more things from you than any other family member. So, you will have to be more careful when you talk, when you behave with kids, how you deal with situations when you get angry, etc.
7. Being Resourceful During Hard Times
Life will not be smooth all the time. Your family can be hit by tests, sickness, calamities, job or money-related issues, etc. from time to time. During those times, you should walk along the path with your husband hand in hand. Do not be too judgmental, show disagreeable behavior, and always complain if any of the above-mentioned issues come into your life.
If he becomes poor, and you have money and resources, do not hesitate to spend for the family. If you do not have money, at least do not complain, and try to comfort him, and encourage him to seek the rizq in halal ways. Make him assure that you are okay with the situation with full patience.
If the issue is with sickness or health, be extremely patient during that time. Nurse your family member the best way you can. If you have money, pay for their treatments as well.
All these will have a huge positive impact on the family members. And mostly your Lord the highest will be very pleased and will open the door of barakah in your life.
8. Preparing Healthy and Nutrition-Enriched Foods
You will also have to act as a doctor or nutritionist for your family members. Make sure they are having nutrition-enriched foods. You are the one in control of this matter. If you do not know much about food nutrition, Google and YouTube are your friends. You can learn from there, or consult a dietitian to guide you about it.
Make a list of foods with all essential nutrients, vitamins, and minerals, and ask your husband to bring those from the grocery shop. You can make a list of foods to cook for each day of the week. Eating only a few types of foods will not get your children enough nutrition.
Wife’s Duty Towards the Husband
Your duties towards your husband deserve more attention than the duties you have towards the family. So, a good balance should be maintained. This section will help you to know about those duties properly.
In terms of obedience, your husband’s place is 3rd, it’s after Allah SWT and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. Even your husband deserves more obedience from you than your father does. Allah SWT says in the Quran –
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has made one of them to excel the other and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
This obedience is obligatory upon you. And not obeying the husband is considered a major sin.
However, this obedience is only for halal matters. If he tells you to do anything haram that goes against the command of Allah SWT and this Messenger ﷺ, then you must not obey him regarding that matter.
2. Responding to Him
Physical intimacy is the primary reason why people get married. As a wife, you have this right over him. Similarly, he also has the same right over you. Whenever your husband asks for physical intimacy, you must respond if you are not physically sick, on your period, or doing obligatory fasting. This is one of the major wife’s responsibilities to her husband in Islam that must not be neglected.
If you refuse him without any valid reason, it will be a major sin. The Messenger of Allah said-
“When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)
Again, if your husband asks you to have intercourse in the haram way, meaning, when you are on your period, or he wants to have anal intercourse, you must not obey him and respond to such haram sexual acts.
3. Giving Him Mental Support and Being a Comfort Zone for Him
One of the reasons why Khadija Radiallahu Anha was the most beloved to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was she used to be a source of comfort for him ﷺ during the early days of Islam when people used to humiliate him ﷺ.
Keeping this in your mind, try to be a source of mental peace for your husband. After a long tiring day when he comes, be the comfort zone for him. If you can do it, he would almost forget the hassle and restlessness of the outside world. No matter what comes, he will have the power to overcome it, if you become his fuel or the source of inspiration.
4. Forgiving Husband’s Mistakes
In conjugal life, there will be both happy, sad, and bad moments. None of the husband and wife should act too overwhelmingly when things do not go as we expect. It is normal to make mistakes, whether you do it, or your husband. But not forgiving, and creating more issues out of it, is not normal at all. End of the day, your marital life will suffer.
Therefore, whenever you find your husband made a mistake, do not act instantly. Take time, and discuss the issue when you are not angry. Moreover, forgive him when he apologizes.
Make sure both of you do not argue, which turns into a fight. Not arguing with the husband when he is angry is considered one of the best qualities of a good wife in Islam. One must keep calm to minimize the damage to the relationship.
It is important for you to understand how a marriage contract becomes a lifetime commitment. The better you will understand it, the easier it would become for you to deal with such things.
5. Coping with Husband’s Job
Husbands do not give their wives enough time, which is a pretty common complaint. If your husband has to work really hard the entire day, give him some space to get relaxed. Once he spends time as he wishes, he will surely turn to you and give you time as well. But, if you keep on complaining about it, and do not give him the space he needs to freshen his mind, it will not bring anything good.
Similarly, if your husband works from home, keep in mind that a home office is less efficient than working in a proper office space. Therefore, when he works, make sure you do not enter his room. The more time he will spend alone, the faster he will be able to finish his work and have time to spend with the family.
Frequently Asked Questions
What wives should not do?
Wives should not disobey their husbands when it comes to obeying husbands for permissible things, they should not refuse husbands for intercourse without any valid reason, they should not let anyone enter into the house that their husbands dislike, etc.
How can I be the best wife?
The greatest virtue of being an ideal wife is obedience. If a wife is obedient towards her husband regarding halal matters, the rest of the other rights of the husband will automatically be fulfilled. The linked article will surely help you know how to treat a husband in Islam and become an ideal wife.
A wife’s role in Islam is considered quite significant as she is the one that runs a family both physically and mentally. A family does not feel like a family when the duties of wife in Islam are neglected. And if the family bonding is damaged, there will not be any Islam left in that particular family.