Once married, it can be a bit overwhelming for a woman on how to adjust with her husband in an arranged marriage. However, this can be the perfect opportunity to build a lasting and strong foundation for an arranged marriage.
A strong foundation means couples can adjust better to their married life. This transition from two unknown people to potential life partners will ensure a healthy and happy conjugal life. All due respect to the idea of love marriage, arranged marriage can be equally loving, if not more.
“What’s necessary in an arranged marriage to ensure that it is lovable and pleasing is to take steps about expression of love. This is applicable for all relationships. But for a young couple in an arranged marriage, they need to take care in expressing one’s emotions rather than hiding them. ”
Partners need to have a definite level of trust and believe that their significant other loves them. It is vital that love is expressed through actions as well as words.
Simple acts like –
- A lasting gaze in the eyes
- Sending tender voice notes
- Passing on small favours of kindness
Can go a long way in bridging the gap.
What to ask before going for arranged marriage?
1. How close are you with your parents?
This is undoubtedly a very important question for understanding the dynamics of the family. It would give a clear idea if he/she lives in a family that is close-knitted. Also, it would be wise to ask about your in-laws expectations.
2. In ten years time, where do you see yourself?
It would give you a clear picture about both the professional & personal goals of your potential partner. This includes, whether he/she plans on getting a degree, starting a new business, etc. You can also know if and when he/she wants to have kids.
3. Are you getting married due to family pressure?
In the 21st century, there are numerous cases where people end up getting married due to their parents’ wishes. It is vital that you ask the person you meet and get assurance if they are willing to handle the pressure that comes with marriage and settle down.
4. Do you have emotional baggage from the past?
Break-ups from past relationships take a toll and can be quite difficult to move. If you feel, the person you’re talking to has become accustomed to your company, then you may ask him/her if they have any emotional baggage. It won’t be a wise move to ask them too many questions about their past, in the first meeting. You need to consider the emotional well being of the individual.
5. What do you expect from your potential life partner?
When it comes to choosing your life partner, we tend to have a checklist. So, you can start off this conversation by discussing expectations from the marriage and by talking about the traits of an ideal spouse. This will undoubtedly help both parties know whether they are compatible and share the same vision.
6. Do you plan on settling abroad or moving to another city?
You need to know if your potential partner has plans of moving abroad or shifting to another city. If that’s the case, then, you need to make sure it doesn’t hamper either your career or personal life. Would you be willing to move away from your family & friends after marriage? These are things you should take into consideration.
7. Would you be able to take responsibility for both families?
Marriage comes with lots of responsibilities, not just towards your spouse but for members of both families. Decisions that you take have a significant impact on other members of both families and your life as well. It includes taking care of your parents, in-laws, managing necessary finances. Partners need to be on the same page while dealing with such responsibilities.
Ways of how to adjust with husband in arranged marriage ?
If and when you’ve had an arranged marriage then your life will change drastically. A potential partner will be chosen by your family. During the period of engagement, people may go on a few dates to know each other better. But that doesn’t mean you’ll get to know the person entirely. Therefore, you may be wondering ways of adjusting with husband in an arranged marriage? We suggest you start off the relationship with your significant other, as friends.
1. Be desirable
Intimacy is one of the important aspects of a good marriage. So men will want to fulfill their needs through coitus. While at the same time, men will want to feel desired by their wives. You need to make your husband feel wanted.
2. Mutual respect
Both the husband and wife should have mutual respect between them. It is important that any actions of words do not hurt anyone, whatsoever. In case of any differences, discussing it would always help solve the issue in hand.
3. Be a good listener
Men do not open up too easily, rather they tend to hide their emotions. This is exactly why you need to be an active and patient listener. You need to gain his trust so that he opens up to you eventually. It is crucial that you listen to what he has to say before passing on any judgement. Mould yourself to be someone your husband would talk to when in need.
4. Show him that you care
Not all men will ask for it but all of them would want their women to show them that they genuinely care. Small gestures and acts of love can go a long way in making him feel at home.
5. Look for your comfort zon
The key to a happy and successful marriage is when couples are comfortable in each other’s company. Both the husband and wife need to open up with each other. Therefore, it is crucial that you find a comfort zone in each other’s presence and get to know each other better.
6. Treating each other like friends
Getting married obviously means couples are romantically involved. But not everyone can be easy to get along with. Some of us may fall into this criteria. You may be somewhat confused as to how to behave with your husband. However, we suggest you open up with your husband and build a friendly relationship and get to know each other as time goes by.
7. Make sure to spend time together
It might be the case that your husband isn’t much of a talkative person. Sitting down beside him as he’s watching TV and initiating a conversation can make him comfortable. He might just want your presence in that moment even through the silence.
8. Keep your expectations low initially
We suggest you keep expectations from your to be husband saved up for sometime later. As you begin the relationship for an arranged marriage, make sure to keep expectations, low key. Given that this is an arranged marriage, so you won’t know for sure how your husband would be as a person. Therefore, having low expectations would mean, your expectations are easily met.
9. Make sure to not criticize his behavior
It is totally understandable that you do not want to change who you are, for anyone. The same goes for your husband. Therefore, it would be wise to not criticize how your husband behaves. Because, this may hurt his feelings. You should keep in mind that no two people can ever be the same. Not criticizing your husband would mean, he’s able to open up to you, easily, without being judged.
10. Behaving with your husband on the first night
The wedding night may take a toll on both the husband and the wife. There might be the possibility of both of you talking about intimacy, beforehand. However, if you haven’t, then, do not necessarily have to fret it. It should not be mandatory to have intercourse on the very first night. But feeling nervous on the first night is very understandable. So, we suggest you to remain as calm as possible. Because, chances are he might be feeling nervous at the same time. You should discuss this with your spouse, respectfully.
11. Be emotionally present and provide moral support
A husband always wants his wife to be beside him through thick and thin. He would want to celebrate his achievements with his wife. While asking for his wife’s shoulder for support during tough times. Providing moral support is without a doubt a very important aspect of a happy marriage.
12. Be aware of the expectations of husbands from their wives
There is more to a happy and lasting marriage than just lovemaking. This is undoubtedly a very important aspect of marriage, but not in any way the only one. Husbands want so much more than their significant other as their counterparts do. Men do not always open up about the things they want from their women in a similar way to women. However, men do expect the same level of commitment and effort from their wives.
13. Communicate with your husband about your expectations
Just because a man and a woman have agreed to go for an arranged marriage does not necessarily mean they would be willing to compromise everything. It is only normal for a woman to have expectations from her man. The same goes for the man. Therefore, it is essential that you have proper communication with your husband. Rather than demanding, simply communicate. Chances are, this will significantly enhance the trust of both parties in your conjugal life.
We can therefore come to the conclusion that an ideal marriage is when two imperfect people do not give up on each other. Rather they stick together in the face of adversity and come out of it unscathed. There is no single recipe behind a happy and successful married life. So, there you have it, the ways of adjusting with husband in arranged marriage.