How to Select Life Partner in Arranged Marriage?

Arranged Marriage is undoubtedly a crucial decision in a person’s life. It is a legal contract signed with the consent of a man and a woman based on their free will. The contract that we mentioned consists of both verbal and written vows. It is an integral part of an Islamic marriage. 

Life partners should begin their long journey of love, cooperation, harmony and tolerance, where one feels at ease with each other, and finds serenity, fulfillment and satisfaction in the company of the other.

We shall give you pointers on how to select Life Partner in Arranged Marriage. 

The relationship between a man and his wife, as described within the holy Quran – 

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُون
“And among His Signs (is) that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed, in that surely (are) Signs for a people who reflect.”
Surah Ar Rum; Verse 21

Righteous women within an Islamic household are considered as the foundation & cornerstone. A pious wife is undoubtedly the greatest joy a man can attain in life. 

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said – 

“Indeed, this world is no more than temporary joys, and there is no temporary joy of this world that is better than a righteous wife.”
Narrated by Muslim, 1467; Ibn Maajah, 1855 

As narrated by Abu Hurayrah, he reported that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said –

Women may be chosen to be married for four things: wealth, lineage, beauty & religious commitment. So, choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust

The aforementioned hadith does not simply encourage to marry a woman for her wealth, beauty and linkage. But it recommends that people look at these things while contemplating on getting married. You may have a preference when it comes to choosing your potential wife, traits such as beauty, wealth or deen.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) recommended believers – 

“So choose the religious one, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
Al-Bukhari 

If you’re a practicing Muslim and plan on following the teachings on Islam, then you must pick out a pious wife. During your time in this worldly life, a righteous wife would bring you joy. On the other hand, an immoral wife would make your life miserable. Therefore, the first attribute you should be looking for is her righteousness. 

As narrated by Sa’ad Bin Abi Waqqas, he reported that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said – 

“There exists four sources of happiness & four sources of misery.
The four sources that bring happiness are –
A righteous wife who you are pleased with upon looking at her and when you’re away from her. You have complete trust in her with regard to her actions and your property.An easy ride that helps you in catching up with your companions.A spacious house that offers you many facilities.A good neighbor.
The four sources that bring misery are –
An immoral wife who dismays you when you look at her. She uses her tongue against you and when you’re away from her, you’d not trust her when it comes to herself or your property.A stubborn ride that if you whip it would tire you, and if you leave it alone you would not be able to catch up with your companions.A tight house consisting of limited facilities.A wicked neighbor.”

The process of selecting your life partner

1. Freedom of selecting your life partner 

The misconception when it comes to Islam is that it doesn’t allow partners to see & know each other before an arranged marriage. Hence, many people feel, all marriages among Muslims are arranged marriages where the parents choose the life partners without the consent of their children. 

This is totally wrong. In fact, Islam provides right to both the man and the woman to choose their preferred life partners. People also argue that Muslim women have lesser freedom while choosing partners, as compared to men, this is also not true. 

Islam gives the absolute right to women to choose their potential partners

Allah SWT mentioned in the Holy Quran –  

وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَبَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَن يَنكِحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضَوْا بَيْنَهُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ذَٰلِكَ يُوعَظُ بِهِ مَن كَانَ مِنكُمْ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ذَٰلِكُمْ أَزْكَىٰ لَكُمْ وَأَطْهَرُ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُون

“And when you divorce [the] women and they reach their (waiting) term, then (do) not hinder them [that] (from) marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a fair manner. That is admonished with it whoever [is] among you believes in Allah and the Day [the] Last; that (is) more virtuous for you and purer. And Allah knows and you (do) not know.”
Surah Al Baqarah; Verse 

The aforementioned verse from the Quran explains the freedom of choosing your desired husband. This also mentions that it isn’t allowed for anyone to prevent women from marrying their desired partner. Likewise, anyone cannot force a woman into marrying someone they don’t choose to marry. 

Similar to women, men also have the option of choosing their preferred life partner for an arranged marriage.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said –

“If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.”Saheeh Abi Dawood # 1832, 1834

  The above hadith clearly means; men are allowed to see the woman before they choose to marry her. However, before the man and the woman meet, he must be willing to get married to her. So, it is not permissible for a man to see a woman without having the desire to marry her. 

2. Criteria of selecting your life partner

Next comes the criteria of marrying the person you chose. Islam being a religion of purity, so when it comes to choosing your partner, you should not have any doubts. You should put the character of your potential partner above everything else.

Allah SWT said on the holy Quran – 

“Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity”
Surah Nur; Verse 26 

So, purity should be of utmost importance whilst choosing your partner for arranged marriage. It is crucial for both Muslim men and women to look for pure partner for marriage. 

Lastly, once you have chosen your preferred partner, you must strive to live a chaste life with the purpose of achieving reward from Allah SWT.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said – 

“Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life.”
Tirmidhi 

Conclusion    

To conclude, when it comes to selecting your life partner in arranged marriage, Islam has given you absolute freedom. This is applicable to men as well as women. Furthermore, Islam encourages believers to consider a person for marriage who has a righteous character. 

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