It is quite common for couples to go for a formal separation before deciding to get a divorce. If you’re not financially stable, then separation from your spouse while living together can be an option. You will see many couples who plan on getting separated but live together for monetary reasons.
The agreement of separation is considered a viable option of resolving the unbearable situation that exists within a marriage. It is likely that couples would patch things together if they live under the same roof. If you are someone who suffers from constant marital problems, then separation can be a good choice to take into consideration.
We shall discuss how you can get separated from your spouse while living together under the same roof.
How to separate from spouse while living together or How to live together while being separated
- You must give each other space both emotionally and physically
The decision to separate is taken by either the wife or the husband. Many reasons make the distance in husband-wife. One of them contemplates separation more than the other. When this happens, one spouse does not take the news of the separation too well.
Separation is considered a stressful event in an individual’s life. Initially, you are supposed to have lots of emotions. Living with your spouse under the same roof means you need to learn to give each other sufficient room. Both of you need to learn to handle your emotions wisely.
Both of you must discuss beforehand the rooms that you’ll be using. Both of you need to agree that you cannot invade each other’s privacy while living under the same roof. It is crucial that you respect each other’s private lives.
- Sit down and have a discussion
It is vital that you sit down and talk to your partner about getting separated. You must be clear about what you require. How you feel about getting separated yet want to live together under the same roof.
As you want to get separated yet plan on living under the same roof, consider the fact that this can take a toll on both of your mental health. So, it is crucial that you come to a solution where you live together, yet want to get separated at the same time. This is something that you need to keep in mind at all times.
- Divide your monthly expenses by talking to each other
Spouses may have a common or separate bank account. It is imperative that you decide on how you plan on paying the bills. You need to steer clear of any unwanted arguments. It is important that you prioritize your peace of mind.
If both of you have separate bank accounts, then you must sit down and have a discussion to ensure all the expenses are equally divided amongst you. A lot depends on how much you’re earning as well. If either of you earn more, then divide the expenses accordingly.
It is understandable to not pay for each other’s expenses once you’re separated. You must have good communication with your spouse in case you require each other’s help financially. Whatever decision you come to, you need to respect each other throughout this transition.
- Learn to talk about things in details
Both of you need to be aware of the rules related to separation and, as couples, you need to come to an agreement. You must talk about the smallest of details. Chores such as cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids need to be discussed previously.
You must figure out the responsibilities you need to fulfill throughout marriage. You must discuss everything that was involved in your marriage. If the husband and the wife can come to a mutual understanding, then separation can become a lot easier.
- Both of you must make time for your children
You need to divide and schedule a time to look after your children when you’re separated. It is important that you remain understanding towards each other and plan a schedule which is convenient for both of you. You may need to bring some changes to your previous schedule to make room for your children.
You may also take turns in looking after your kids on the weekends within the household, if that’s convenient for you. While the other parent may spend their time with their parents or friends. This way of looking after your kids is beneficial, because your children get to spend some quality alone time with each parent.
- Talk about the duration you want to remain separated
You must put everything on the table. It is important that you provide yourself the required time to be separated, officially. You should consider duration of around six months as optimal for having a temporary separation. Also, you can discuss amongst yourself and come to a common duration that you feel is ideal for the separation.
- You cannot be fighting amongst each other while being separated
Do not go overboard while discussing finances or negotiating about anything. This may bring unwanted emotions. Something that is never desirable as you remain separated. You may feel that any discussion amongst you would remain civil, but that is not always the case.
There are many cases when even the simplest discussion can lead to quarrelling. For example, for one of you, the expenses may seem comfortable, but for the other one, paying the expenses may be challenging. Even this may lead to unwanted quarrelling and shouting among you. You should always avoid this.
You need to agree upon what is safe for both of you to discuss without offending or triggering each other.
- You must talk to your children about the separation
Being separated by living together would mean you’re getting the chance to have custody of your kids. Meaning, you can instruct and handle your kids at all times. You must keep in mind that kids are quite sensitive, so you must always provide them with extra care and attention at all times.
You decide if you want to tell your kids about the separation or if you want to leave it for sometime later. If your kids are older, then they should be mature enough to come to terms with the separation. However, if your kids aren’t old enough, then it would be best to not share with them every single detail.
- You must address the burning issue of whether divorce is the option
When you’re separated and living under the same roof, there will come a time when you need to address, divorce, or if you want another partner for yourselves. This is important if you remain separated for an extended period. It is vital that you bring divorce into the equation if you plan to move on with another person.
This is a sensitive topic, so it would be better to discuss it in the presence of an imam. Another important aspect to consider would be, if you have kids, then they may not consider someone new as a parent easily. It is important that you give them time to get used to the situation.
- Come to a common ground on how you want to let everyone know about the living together while separated
How do you plan on telling everyone that you want to get separated but want to live under the same roof depends on you? You do not have to tell everyone that you’re getting separated. If you want to keep things private, then keep it to yourself.
You should only discuss it with your friends and family members who you trust. The choice is yours. If you discuss that you’re getting separated continuously then this would touch you as well. This will affect the relationship you share with your wife.
Therefore, it would be best that you not talk to too many people about your separation. This is because it will end up affecting your judgement.
Rules for living together while separated
You need to be clear with your spouse about how often you’ll be communicating with each other. You need to set it straight on how often you’ll communicate and what you’ll be communicating about. It is important that you have some serious talk every once in a while about how things are going for you.
You also need to understand if there’s any improvement in your relationship. Just because you’re separated doesn’t mean you should not be open to having a clear and concise dialogue. Separation but living together, doesn’t mean the end of the road for you. You must work together in communicating with each other while living together during separation under the same roof.
Make different arrangements for your belongings
You should ask to be given space during the separation period. During the separation process, the court can provide certain regulations depending on the agreement, which is convenient for both parties.
You need to be vocal about the possessions you want for yourself. It would be ideal if you prepare a list of the things you want for yourself. A separation means you’ll want some time and space for you. It would be best to split rooms for your personal usage.
Is it permissible to live in the presence of each other after divorce?
In Islam, once you get divorced, you no longer have the security of marriage. You officially become single. A major disadvantage is you would not be getting the benefits that come with marriage. Most people do not want to live with each other after divorce. This is because divorce takes place when they no longer want to be in the presence of each other.
Once divorce takes place, the wife keeps her mahr. This includes the original gift and any additional property they gave her during marriage. She must also receive child support. This needs to be discussed with the court.
According to the Shariah, the husband possesses the rights of the wife during marriage. However, upon completion of the divorce, the husband needs to provide maintenance only for a duration of 90 days from the day an official notice is given.
In other cases, if the wife is pregnant during the time of divorce, then he must support the wife financially until the child is born. In other cases, they need to pay spousal expenses for a fixed duration until the child comes of age. This may be till the child becomes 18 or, sometimes, for a lifetime.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. What is the major difference between getting divorced and being separated?
A1. Once you get married to an individual, you are supposed to have all the rights of the person you are getting married to. It includes rights such as tax status, healthcare & legal status. Even if you went through a legal separation while living together, you remain married within the Islamic law. During marriage, any property you own is a part of marital property. If you own a property together, then any debts and liabilities you possess will be your responsibility.
Q2. Things to keep in mind when you’re separated but living together under the same roof
A2. You must communicate with each other openly when separation happens. A separation doesn’t mean the end of your marriage. Both of you must have a good understanding to live in peace under the same roof. As you set the rules, you must remain consistent in the amount of effort you put in and must always stick to the guidelines.
You need to keep in mind that communication is a two-way bridge. So, it is important that you’re a good listener. Make sure that you listen to your spouse the same way as you expect yourself to be heard.
Lastly, you must not jump to the process of divorce too quickly. You must keep in mind that divorce is the last resort. There is always a way back and patch things up with your spouse. But, if it hurts for the two of you to be together, then separation can be an option.
You must have good communication with your wife or husband while living together but being separated. The expectation that you have from each other can vary as you live together. If you cannot maintain proper communication, then it may lead to chaos. So, it is vital that you do not have any confusion about being separated. Separation can be a life-changing decision. Once you decide to live together separated from your spouse, then you must be sure what step you want to take next. The separation phase will help you understand whether you want to get back with your spouse or do you want a divorce. Going through this article will give you an idea of how to separate from your spouse while living together.
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