You are best advised to have prior knowledge about the realities of getting married. Nowadays, Muslim couples make extensive plans for their wedding or even their honeymoon. However, they are not always well prepared to spend their lives together.
You should not rush to get married without considering the responsibilities that come along. Our idea is to make you aware of the brutal truth about marriage expectations vs reality.
As reported by Jabir, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said.
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“The nearest to him is the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done such-and-such. Iblees says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave so-and-so until I caused discord between him and his wife. Iblees says: You have done well.”
– Sahih Muslims; 2813
4 Advice on the Reality of Marriage
Young Muslim women sometimes have the notion that marriage might solve their trouble or think of it as an escape. You may feel as though your spouses would ‘complete you’. However, that is not always the case.
Preparing yourself for marriage is more important than looking for your ideal spouse. But first, you must know who you truly are as a person.
We have some advice for you regarding the realities that you face through marriage
● You must undergo self-reflection
As we mentioned previously, getting yourself prepared for marriage is more important than looking for your ideal match. You must first understand who you truly are as a person. Also, how much you might contribute to the marriage.
It is crucial that you understand what’s important in life so that you can choose the person with whom you’ll be compatible. Reflection is part of self-growth, but it can be challenging. However, this shows that you’re mature enough and fully understand the intensity that comes with marriage.
You must ask yourself questions such as –
“What are my fears?”
“What are my strengths?”
“Which are my set of personal life values?”
● You need to learn to be compatible
First, you need to understand what is meant by compatibility. Only then would you be able to know the individual you’re compatible with for marriage? You don’t have to be exactly like your significant other, but it is desirable that both of you share many similarities.
Also, it is important that you possess mutual respect for each other’s differences. It is of utmost importance that you find someone having similar beliefs & core values as yourself. As couples you must possess complementary values, this would aid you to get closer to Allah SWT.
As couples, you must strive to move in a similar direction and have lesser disagreements during your conjugal life. Your spouse may not be as compatible as you would’ve wanted them to be on certain matters. In that case, you must ask yourself –
“Would I be able to maintain my beliefs while being married to this person given the fact that he or she does not change?”
● Get your idea of marriage straight
You must not start your conjugal life without being aware of the expectations that your significant other is going to fulfill. It is vital that you properly examine your potential spouse, while taking the necessary steps to avoid any sort of disappointment.
Ask yourself questions such as –
“What would marriage be like for me?”
“How’s the relationship between my parents?”
“How would my parents’ relationship play a role in my expectation of marriage?”
“What and who would have influenced such expectations?”
Answers to the aforementioned questions would make it easier for you to have a thorough understanding of the expectation of marriage.
● Always make sure to communicate
There are two basic skills that you must acquire before settling for marriage –
- Resolution of Conflict
The aforementioned skills are essential for a successful marriage. Both you and your potential spouse would clearly understand how to communicate as you get to know each other.
Failure to establish proper communication and any misunderstanding leads to problems within a marriage. It is important that you remember to ask yourself questions such as –
“How good am I at communicating my feelings?”
“How do I solve this issue? Ignore or solve it?”
“How good of a listener am I?”
Being able to narrow down and identify your weaknesses is a crucial part of marriage. Marriage requires you to be responsible. It also needs you to identify your weakness. Lastly, a successful marriage requires you to communicate with your spouse about your frustrations.
While you must put equal importance to what your spouse is trying to communicate.
New marriage expectations vs reality cast
As you enter a new marriage, it gives you room to grow independently as an individual. You need to have a mature approach to discovering your weaknesses and expectations. Also, for your marriage to prosper, it is necessary that you take a mature approach.
You should move away from unrealistic expectations and come to realize that marriage is all about making conscious choices. You must love, act kindly, and be caring towards your significant other, more so during tough times.
A successful marriage requires tolerance, support, honesty, mutual respect, and realistic expectations. Marriage is not always perfect, as we see in the books and movies. Couples need to put in a lot of effort and sacrifice to ensure they have a content conjugal life.
The truth about marriage that nobody tells us
Marriage between multicultural Muslims can lead to complex issues as they come from diverse backgrounds. There are times when you may have little to no support either from your family or the community due to some of the cultural ideas related to marriage. Some of these couples resort to ending the marriage altogether. As newlyweds, you must acknowledge each other’s differences and be considerate towards each other.
It is high time that we prepare ourselves as well as our children for the realities of marriage. At the end of the day, marriage requires a lot of sacrifices. More importantly, you must believe in the plans of Allah SWT and pray to him to give you the capability of being the best of spouses.
The reality of long-term marriage
Based on the teachings of Islam, marriage is a contract between two individuals who agree to commit to remain committed to each other. Spouses must work together and persevere to please and thank Allah SWT. In Islam, you should take marriage seriously with the idea of forming a long-term bond.
Even during challenging times, you should try not to break the bond. The initial five to seven years of your marriage would undoubtedly be the most challenging time. This is when couples get to know each other better and learn to adjust to each other.
Marriage is a sacred and beautiful relationship for all Muslims. You must be fully aware of all the dimensions of marriage before you consider getting married. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has always reminded us that marriage is “half our deen”. Belonging to the Muslim Ummah, we should not rush into marriage without being prepared. Only can we become worthy spouses when we understand what it takes to get married. It is of utmost importance that we mentally prepare ourselves for this journey and be enlightened about Marriage expectations vs reality.